I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You left your phone here
Wait...
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