I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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