I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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