gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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