hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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