I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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