he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
