My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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