I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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