when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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