her vagine was all disorganized.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
please come you make the beer taste better
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
