So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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