Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
