I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
