I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
