One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
