Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize