Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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