I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
