Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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