I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
