Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
