im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
