whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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