I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
