Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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