they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
