I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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