Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
