i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize