Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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