And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
