did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
