She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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