Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
