chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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