These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
