if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize