who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
