oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
