The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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