I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
