I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
