I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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