this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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