yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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