I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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