hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
