im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
