Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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