my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
