her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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