SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
