I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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