check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
