we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
