I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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