the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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