she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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