my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
