In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
