So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
