Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
