I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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