we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
