So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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