operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
