i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
