well you can't waste a boner
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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