you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
