Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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