omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
