OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He felt like a one man threesome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
