dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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