So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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