oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize