what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
