So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
