all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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