I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
