So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
