She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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