Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
