She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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