i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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