I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize