maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
