i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
