your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
