I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
