That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
