Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
