No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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