he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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