I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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