Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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