He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
