Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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