He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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