I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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