hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
