Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
