dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
