Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
