im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
