I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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