dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Be still, my beating vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
