Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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