i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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