Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
