We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
